The Last of College Dilemma


So I finally sent a withdrawal letter to UMass Lowell on June 30th, which I double checked with my friend who I trust for these matters and since then, I’ve never dared to look back. Strangely, I’m also not looking forward to anything at all in the institution that I will be attending by next month. If anything, the most I’ve done -apart from doing what most incoming students are- is praying to God that everything works out for me in the end. In the meantime, I haven’t really been doing anything worthwhile due to my “becoming numb” towards my interests so forgive me for not writing to you at all for the past several weeks.

lost without you


I think it’s funny now because half a year ago I was still constantly refreshing my email awaiting for a letter or announcement from all four universities that I applied to, and now I barely even do so because I know I wouldn’t receive anything like that anymore.

It’s funny now because I used to get excited of imagining how different things would be by July and the months after “knowing” that I wouldn’t be here in this country anymore, and now I don’t imagine anything at all.

It’s funny now because all the effort that I have given in seems like a dream instead of a memory.


Below is the withdrawal letter for you to read in case you were curious of how I overcame my college heartbreak:

Dear University of Massachusetts Lowell,

My name is Zahra Thania and my student ID is: ——— and I am a registered incoming freshman at your university.

I’ve gathered enough courage to write this email to let you know that I am unable to attend your university as my family and I are not yet financially prepared to pay for the tuition fee and therefore would like to withdraw my admission from the Manning School of Business.

I apologize for not informing you anytime soon. I’ve only recently decided to stay in my home country, Indonesia, and attend the Institute of Technology Bandung after thoughtful consideration.

Thank you for taking your time to review and accept my application. Please let me know if I need to fill in any form for my withdrawal.

Sincerely,

Zahra Thania Atmoko.

This will be my last post for my College Dilemma series as I have finally made a decision to attend a certain university (note: it’s ITB). Once I begin my college days, I will be sure to let you know and write a new series of stories and I hope that you will keep being here.

Goodbye now! I hope to write to you soon x

College Dilemma pt.2

This is the part where I get conflicted.

(…) continued.

The three factors that I mentioned previously that hinder me from attending universities abroad cannot be altered unless God decides to give me way from a source nearly impossible for my own capability to reach. But on the other hand, the effort I have given myself into aren’t necessarily washable or easily ignored: an analogy would be someone having second thoughts a week before their wedding after preparing the ceremony.

And I was that person.

Even though I’m completely aware of this, I somehow managed to convince myself that whatever happens, whichever university I attend, I will (with Allah’s permission) remain grateful and thankful. As someone who’s quiet stubborn and hopeful of her dreams, it’s not an easy thing to do. Heck, back then I would even say things such as, “Oh I don’t know what I would do if I had to stay behind in Indonesia for college. I think I might be depressed. Mental, even.” But now, none of those things really matter and I doubt I would feel the same as I did in the past.

You might be wondering how? Well, I think I mostly owe my sincerest gratitude to my friend Bagasrafi who passed away last month for being a great reminder to me. A reminder that life is truly brief and that we shouldn’t ponder too hard on these worldly matters; that at the end of the day, putting our trust in Allah and being concerned over the Hereafter is what truly matters.

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A cute photo as a tribute to Bagas for reminding me. He would’ve hated me if he knew I did this! 

(My statement above does not mean you shouldn’t be concerned about the exams and university admissions though! You should. Because it’s tough. And hopefully that serves as a reminder for you to continue studying and praying hard!)

After having a new perspective of this dilemma, at first I wanted to completely ignore the idea that I still have documents to submit to those six foreign schools. I wanted to simply forget that I ever wasted so many dedications in making it to submitting my application. But I decided that it was wiser to continue the admission process until a letter of acceptance (or not…) is given to me.

So what now, Zee? Well…what other choices do I have? Apply here, in Indonesia.

Where will you be going? Hopefully either one from these three: UI, ITB, UGM. And if you were wondering which class I’ll be taking, I’ll most probably be taking FEB (Fakultas Ekonomi Bisnis) international class.

By the way, which universities abroad have you sent your applications to? Tons! Here they are:

  1. University of Massachusetts, Lowell
  2. Bryant University
  3. Northeastern University
  4. Boston University
  5. University of Calgary
  6. University of Alberta

And yes, I did all of the application procedure myself, along with some help from my English teacher as I needed a counselor to sort out the transcript. Anyway let me know in the comments below if you want to read any more posts that’s related to this topic. It would be a delight to know your requests!

Therefore, I hereby declare another beginning of tackling university admissions in which I will try to document them in words right here, in this blog.

(…) to be continued.