This is the part where I get conflicted.
The three factors that I mentioned previously that hinder me from attending universities abroad cannot be altered unless God decides to give me way from a source nearly impossible for my own capability to reach. But on the other hand, the effort I have given myself into aren’t necessarily washable or easily ignored: an analogy would be someone having second thoughts a week before their wedding after preparing the ceremony.
And I was that person.
Even though I’m completely aware of this, I somehow managed to convince myself that whatever happens, whichever university I attend, I will try to remain grateful and thankful. As someone who’s quiet stubborn and hopeful of her dreams, it’s not an easy thing to do. Heck, back then I would even say things such as, “Oh I don’t know what I would do if I had to stay behind in Indonesia for college. I think I might be depressed. Mental, even.” But now, none of those things really matter and I doubt I would feel the same as I did in the past.
You might be wondering how? Well, I think I mostly owe my sincerest gratitude to my friend Bagasrafi who passed away last month for being a great reminder to me. A reminder that life is truly brief and that we shouldn’t ponder too hard on these worldly matters; that at the end of the day, putting our trust in God and being concerned over the Hereafter is what truly matters.
(My statement above does not mean you shouldn’t be concerned about the exams and university admissions though! You should. Because it’s tough. And hopefully that serves as a reminder for you to continue studying and praying hard!)
After having a new perspective of this dilemma, at first I wanted to completely ignore the idea that I still have documents to submit to those six foreign schools. I wanted to simply forget that I ever wasted so many dedications in making it to submitting my application. But I decided that it was wiser to continue the admission process until a letter of acceptance is given to me.
So what now, Zee? Well…what other choices do I have? Apply here, in Indonesia.
Where will you be going? Hopefully either one from these three: UI, ITB, UGM. And if you were wondering which class I’ll be taking, I’ll most probably be taking FEB (Fakultas Ekonomi Bisnis) international class.
By the way, which universities abroad have you sent your applications to? Tons! Here they are:
- University of Massachusetts, Lowell
- Bryant University
- Northeastern University
- Boston University
- University of Calgary
- University of Alberta
And yes, I did all of the application procedure myself, along with some help from my English teacher as I needed a counsellor to sort out the transcript. I hereby declare another beginning of tackling university admissions in which I will try to document them in words right here, in this blog.
(…) to be continued.