This post is an answer dedicated to my Psychology and Organisational Behaviour final exam question, which asked me to evaluate myself following a behavioural assessment test. Yes, it is different from all the poetic and personal writings that I’ve had so far, but I believe posting something like this once in awhile will be useful.
In this essay, I would like to evaluate and analyse the results of my behavioural assessment test for my cognition, entrepreneurial potential, and emotional intelligence exploration, which will be done using the knowledge that I have gained throughout this course. I will then criticise my weakest points and explain how I plan to improve these aspects. Before we begin, it is important to note that I made the decision to choose these three people to assess me as they are currently my closest friends who have known me intensely for quite some time as of right now. Therefore, the judgements that they make of me should be wiser and more accurate than anyone.
Before taking the assessment, I wanted to see how accurate I was in assessing myself. Hence, I made several assumptions. First, I presumed that I will excel in my cognition as I am confident in activities that involve conscious intelligence. The way I perceive, think, and understand things set me apart from most people in a novel way, like what everyone says about me. Aside from that, I sensed that I would have a considerably high result on my entrepreneurial potential, mainly because I like to have control in everything that I do and I love anything that challenges me. But for emotional intelligence, I quickly presumed that my results would be below average. This is simple to explain as emotions are my least developed trait and I often do not understand what certain feelings mean. As for empathy, I tend to keep it closed solely for the people of whom I care about and know deeply. Sadly, I do not care about most people despite my greed in wanting to know others for the sake of pure curiosity.
Without a surprise, my results showed that I am mostly correct. The results of each factor of both my cognitive and entrepreneurial potential are above the average results of other people, so things such as systematic thinking, problem solving, risk-taking, and locus of control are part of my greater qualities: proof that I have the capacity and ability to become an entrepreneur and a leader —not to mention I have great influence and inspirational leadership towards others, according to results and real life occurrences. This fits the assumptions I made of myself, which means that most of my characters are in the Arena field of Johari’s Window, known to others and known to myself. Hence, it is safe to say that both my closest friends and I see me as the same person.
My emotional intelligence is a bit more tricky to conclude however, as I am neither consistently weak nor consistently strong in each factor. Emotional intelligence consists of 5 factors: self-awareness, self-control, social skills, empathy, and motivation.
To begin with, my closest friends believe that I have a higher degree of self-awareness than I think I do, but we both agreed that I lack heavily in self-control. For social skills, I am not very good nor am I fond of building bonds, but communication is my second greatest strength, which means I am able to communicate suavely with others —something that I know of myself very well, as I often use my communication skills to control others cleverly. But my interpersonal skills, which is essentially social skills itself, is my fourth least-developed weakness. Therefore, my relationships with others along with my social-skills ultimately suck. My empathy result surprised me, however. As it lies within the Hidden Area / Facade of Johari’s Window. Meaning, I consider myself owning greater empathy than average, but my friends think I have much less. For motivation, which I believe is achievement drive, I prove to have a higher score than average. But if motivation consists of a positive general mood, then I may lack motivation a little as positive general mood is my greatest weakness.
Now that an evaluation of my results have been finished, I will now discuss about my weaknesses, primarily focusing onto the ones that I desperately need to improve on. They are: self-control, intrapersonal intelligence, and interpersonal intelligence. The reason why I did not choose positive general mood and stress management despite the fact that these two are lower, is because the two aspects can fall under self-control.
Self-control is the ability to control emotions, thoughts, and behaviour in the face of temptations and impulses. It is knowing how to discipline myself from pursuing the things that I want but that might not be in my best interest. Undoubtedly, self-control is heavily influenced by emotions and the degree to how strong my demand should be fulfilled. Because my curiosity in experiencing the things I want always surpasses the speed at which I evaluate the risks and consequences of them, and I never really excel at managing my emotions (results show that I am just average), my self-control tends to fall apart. I will move to behave according to what piques my curiosity, regardless of the outcomes fulfilling it may have. This had actually produced quite hazardous (however meaningful) experiences, like challenging a number of “respectable” people in a heated argument for a light example, which later results in long-term resentment from the other party. But the way I’m constructed, I never truly regret anything in life.
In terms of how to improve my self-control, I would like to begin with developing my emotions, that is understanding and managing my emotions better, which means allowing myself to feel things when they come to me. One of the biggest tragedy that occurred to me, the day I understood that I had to sacrifice my dream to reduce the burden I impose towards others or the day I lost the person I wanted to be with after giving my all, was when feelings and attachments to transient things cloud my judgement and ruin my logic for a long period of time. It makes me think more without substantial results. Because of those events, I decided to stop myself from ever accepting emotions and learned how to cut ties with my feelings. However, in doing so, I’ve also wasted experiencing many meaningful events without feeling anything significant. It had also detained me from believing in my intuition. I need to relearn the virtue of allowing myself to feel things first, and put enough trust in myself that I would act accordingly in the face of emotions.
Apart from that, I need to strictly remember that taking upon my curiosity might end up with me being deeply damaged both mentally, thereafter physically. Despite the knowledges I might gain, I must be aware of the side-effects acquiring this information may have towards me. Although that will surely be of a great challenge.
Intrapersonal intelligence is similar to self-control, as intrapersonal is the internal communication that I have with my own thoughts and the relationship that I have with myself (this all occurs in my mind). And I talk to myself a lot, you see. My mind bears a heavy task since I rely on my thinking greatly. It’s what allows me to walk proudly with the cognitive intelligence that I have. But sometimes I neglect the personal care and kindness that my mind needs. As I mentioned briefly before I have a very abusive mind, which means I destruct myself quite often and I like to blame myself along with belittling who I am for when things go wrong. It grew to me as a habit, perhaps even inherited from my mother. To improve the relationship that I have with myself, I should trust myself and become more aware of who I am, but most importantly, learn how to be kinder with myself. I need to understand that not everything wrong in life occurs because of my fault, or because I am not “enough”. I need to understand that unfortunate things can occur because of the faults and sins of other people, or simply because life decided that they should.
Interpersonal intelligence refers to how well I am able to act socially, which mainly includes social interactions and a positive general mood (this may entail having an extroverted personality or the liking towards people in general). Although communication is my second greatest strength, having a positive general mood is my greatest weakness: I’m more of a realist than an optimist. Plus, I am indisputably more of an introvert, as large groups of people of whom I am not familiar with often exhausts me or give me anxiety. I also do not have a great liking towards people in general: I choose the people I want to understand. To be honest, I don’t yet have a grand scheme on how to improve my social skills. Most people tell me that I need to know how to have small talks, but I hate small talks because they seem to me like nothing but a waste of time. I understand that at some point I must know how to have small talks, but right now is not the time. So instead, I developed a small strategy. It includes befriending extroverted people, which have been successful as three of my closest friends who assessed me are all social butterflies and extroverts themselves, and slowly opening myself towards others: taking my time to adopt a liking towards humanity itself.
With this I believe I will become better at being human.